8/6/12 – 10:39 p.m.
I think feeling happy is sometimes delusional. I’ve been in that phase for most of this summer. That smile I find plastered on my face when I listen to nostalgic music, staring at the moon as I wait for my ride after work. But lately I’ve begun to wonder if I’m living right. Because I dove head first into August waters without realizing it, and now I’m panicking because this summer has literally been stolen away from me.
And then there’s you. That pretty piece of blonde-hair, blue-eyed beauty. Someone who can’t give me the right time and place. I’ve told you all the things I hate about you. And yet we talk as if everything is alright. As if I never admitted I used to be in love with you. As if you haven’t been placed atop this pedestal I’ve carved out of cedar plank. Some nights, these emotions literally tear my thoughts apart.
I read your reasons, find excuses for you through the silence. I can already imagine you driving away in your car. I picture this world of non-stop rain and goodbyes.
The truth is, I’m dreading this September. I can taste the fallout before the climax even hits. I think I’m supposed to let you go. But I’ve tried so many times before. I think if this was ever terminated, I’d never fall back together again.